Math humour 

Math teacher:
What is 2k + k? Physics student: 3000! 
Q: What does
the zero say to the eight? A: Nice belt! 
Why do
mathematicians always confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec. 31_{8 }= (3 ^{.} 8 + 1)_{10} = 25_{10} 
A math
professor is talking to her little brother who just started his first
year of graduate school in mathematics. "What's your favorite thing about mathematics?" the brother wants to know. "Knot theory." "Yeah, me neither." 
A physicist,
a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife
or a girlfriend. The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment." The mathematician: "A wife. You have security." The computer scientist: "Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me..." 
A
mathematician, an engineer, and a computer scientist are vacationing
together. They are riding in a car, enjoying the countryside, when
suddenly the engine stops working. The mathematician: "We came past a gas station a few minutes ago. Someone should go back and ask for help." The engineer: "I should have a look at the engine. Perhaps, I can fix it." The computer scientist: "Why don't we just open the doors, slam them shut, and see if everything works again?" 
"What
happened to your girlfriend?" "She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me." "I don't believe that she cheated on you!" "Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns..." 
In a dark,
narrow alley, a function and a differential operator meet: "Get out of my way  or I'll differentiate you till you're zero!" "Try it  I'm e^{x}..." 
Prof : how
much 7 x 24 = ? Student : it's 168. Prof : prove it. Student: 16 + 8 = 24 Prof : and 7 x 27 + ? Student : 189 prove 18+9 = 27 Prof : and 21 x 7 = ? Student : 147 prove 14 + 7 = 21 Prof: and 18 x 7 = ? Student : 126 prove 12 + 6 = 18 
Q :Why did
the chicken cross the road? Pierre de Fermat: I just don't have room here to give the full explanation. Godel: It cannot be proved whether the chicken crossed the road. 
Math is the language God used to write the universe. 
Math problems? Call (ln e)(arcsin (0,5))^{0}(119^{2}  6^{2}) (My phone number) 
"Geometry is
the art of making correct conclusions based on incorrect pictures". 
He's
teaching her arithmetic, He said it was his mission, He kissed her once, he kissed her twice and said, "Now that's addition." As he added smack by smack 
The Flood is
over and the ark has landed. Noah lets all the animals out and says, "Go
forth and multiply." A few months later, Noah decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing. Everywhere he looks he finds baby animals. Everyone is doing fine except for one pair of little snakes. "What's the problem?" says Noah. "Cut down some trees and let us live there", say the snakes. Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again. Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks, "Want to tell me how the trees helped?" "Certainly", say the snakes. "We're adders, so we need logs to multiply." 
(With a
little help from Physics) Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am." 